Thirties

This is the part of the blog where I type something sincere and morose all at the same time as we head into a new year. 

I don't know if I have the energy for that today. 

Truthfully, 2014 was a transformative year for me. Literally. I transformed from a person in her twenties to one in her thirties. I don't know about you, but to me that's a pretty fucking big change. 

Otherwise, this year has been both significantly different and same from all the ones that came before it. Same because I wasted yet another year. Because I spent much of it in a deep depression. I failed to form new and lasting social connections with anyone. Different because I traveled more this year than I ever have before. I became the godparent to a little boy in whose life I feel a deep investment and commitment. 

I gained more acceptance for my different-ness this year. I am as a good friend of mine put it, 'weird'. I own it. I lean into it. I don't feel the need to struggle against it (not that I felt that before but I did feel discomfited by the knowledge of my otherness). 

It's been both terrible and great. Isn't that what the great writers and poets keep going on about? Isn't this ultimately what life is like for most people? 

So here's the thing. Happy New Year. As much as things change, they stay the same. As much as you transform, something of you always remains. And that's not a bad thing.