The other shoe has dropped.

Waiting for the other shoe to drop

You know when people try and tell you that each person in the world is different and no two people share circumstances, or destinies? Well that is only partially true. Yes, every individual, is just that, a single entity like no other, but people can also be classified into different kinds of situations. There are those that sail through life, having everything handed to them, regardless of whether they deserve them or not. Some others who can never get anything right, for whom anything that can go wrong, most certainly will, and how. Some that work hard everyday, and also have some good luck, things go well for them, and those around them bask in light of their truly deserved happiness. Finally there are those, who wake up every morning and work incredibly hard every single day for everything that they have, but should fully expect things to go wrong at a moment's notice. I belong to the last category.

Now, don't get me wrong, this is not the tragic tale of karmic imbalance, of people who sit and weep at the foot of their beds for all of the things that have gone awry, and all of the people that have fucked them over. My life is far from a tragedy. In fact, I have a pretty damn fantastic life. It is just also that my life has taught me to never count on happiness. Here's how I see things, you work as hard as you can to achieve what little you can, but just when things start to get comfortable, something goes wrong, and then you have to start working again, on something else. You never rest easy, and you are always insecure. This has always been my life. Most of the time, its a good thing, because you value everything you have, due to the fact that you worked hard, and sacrificed much to have it, but its also unsettling. You can never sit for a moment to enjoy good things, because what this type of life also does is fuck you on some basic level. I get terribly tense when things start to go well, because then I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

So, here's the thing, I am currently waiting for the other shoe to drop, and its driving me to distraction. No sleep, and this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that causes me to reach out to knock on wood all the time.

Overkill-Colin Hay

I can't get to sleep,
I think about the implications,
Of diving in too deep,
And possibly the complications.
Especially at night,
I worry over situations that
I know will be alright,
It's just overkill.
Day after day, it reappears.
Night after night,
My heartbeat shows the fear.
Ghosts, appear and fade away,
Come back another day.

The Beatles, a note.

Kindly ignore the many grammatical errors and the terrible writing in the previous post. Eloquence, and generally good sense eludes me when the Beatles come to mind.

The Beatles

Let me start this entry with many thanks to the sisters Krishnamohan, who first brought me to my everlasting love for John, Paul, George and Ringo.

For a moment, let us set aside the pop culture phenoms that they were, their massive impact on musicians down the years, and their contribution to the world of music, and instead, just examine the joy their music has brought me. I can not explain how much I love them, but here's an indicator, I cried when George died, and still sometimes tear up when I hear his songs. I hate Heather Mills with a vengance, and Yoko Ono boils my blood. But here's the biggest clue, I call them by their first name, as if we all went to college together, and still pop by each other's homes for a spot of tea.

I can't write about them without going crazy, so instead I will just list some of my favourite songs just now, because my favourites of theirs change from week to week. There are just so many to choose from, and they are each as wonderful as the other.

I'm only sleeping

Revolution

Don't let me down

Eleanor Rigby

Daytripper

Across the Universe

Golden Slumbers

Penny Lane

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

oh dear god, I could go on and on forever, but I will stop. For now. Again my thanks to the Krishnamohan family, especially to Gooseberry, who loves them as much as I do, whom I love even more.

Socialising the wicked witch of the east.

So, here's the thing, I am in need of an active social life. The traditional remedies do not work for me, mostly because of my anti-social nature, and of course there' the fact that I HATE people. And by hate I don't mean mildly annoyed, or vaguely irritated, I mean, I loathe the very existence of the unfortunate creatures that cross my path. So how does one meet guys, or even other women for that matter, when one is pissed off immediately when one of the above mentioned attempts to strike up a conversation? And I don't even turn them away gently, no, I am not done until I have crushed any semblance of a happy and hopeful spirit that might have existed once in the poor guy. My tactics include laughing, using all of the abundant profanity I have amassed over my years of swearing, and of course, physical violence, or at least the threat of it. HELP!!