Twice and Again

I don't understand how this is happening again. I really, really don't get how I have managed to allow myself to be in this position twice in my lifetime. I have to be done with this, I have to have the strength to be done with this.

The Opposite of Entitlement

I like to complain loudly, profanely, vociferously about entitled Americans. I do it all the time. I am the obnoxious asshole at the party that will tell everyone within earshot about my deep and abiding issues with entitled Americans, paying little heed to the fact that I might quite possibly be surrounded by Americans. (In case you're wondering, I have several, wonderful American friends and colleagues, who have all been nothing but lovely to me. Plus, Bombay is full of expats from the States, so the last scenario I described has happened to me many, many times.) Let me hasten to add, this phenomenon has very quickly seeped into Indian culture as well, especially in a day and age of 24×7 news and reality television. Everyone feels entitled to an answer, to rights, to services, to luxury, to the spotlight, to external validation, to being anointed as special. From a culture that was 'chalta hai, ho jayega' to a culture of 'I am special', the shift has been pronounced. 

A blogger I read frequently, who comments on celebrity culture, wrote in one of her columns about the movement that is visible in North America to constantly validate every single child about his or her specialness. You are special, they are all told. You deserve everything, they are told. Your hopes and dreams are the most important thing in the world, they are told. She was confounded by this constant pressure on parents, teachers, relatives, and the media to keep convincing themselves and their children of the inherent specialness of their offspring. Heaven forbid anyone tell their precious little angels that they might grow up to be ordinary, average, plumbers and electricians! Each of them is a little star! There are just so very many things wrong with this entire thought process. To begin with, if everyone is special, then logically, no one is. Second, this culture breeds the most spoiled, entitled brats who believe that every small action on their part must be met with applause and every single step they take is an achievement all in itself. Hard work, dedication and learning from failure are disincentivized. Third, and perhaps most important, what happens when the little darlings leave the nest and are thrust harshly into an unforgiving world? The parents of these children do not equip them to deal with a world where nobody gives a fuck how special mummy and daddy think you are, and the only thing that matters is results. 

One of the corollary (my Math is showing) impacts of a culture of entitlement is the demand for accountability. I work in politics and government; accountability is a big deal in the world I inhabit. I want to make that clear, just in case what I am about to say is misconstrued as callousness or an interest in protecting the elite from responsibility. The trouble is, we live in an imperfect world. There is no such thing as 100% accountability. Often, perhaps too often, no one is to blame. Bad things just happen. Sometimes, bad things happened, and no one was held accountable. And then years passed and the person responsible died. This particular situation has happened countless times in the history of the world. It used to be, that we understood that this is simply the way of the world. Awful things happen. It's always been the way of the world. In India, this attitude can in some ways been traced to the deep-seated concept of karma that is prevalent in our culture. 

Today, however, there is a hunger to demand accountability. This is mostly a good thing. Unfortunately, it frequently slips into the demand for accountability from someone, anyone, for the trouble that a person goes through. The word 'anyone' is important in that last sentence. The desire for this accountability is so rabid, the idea that one is entitled to this 'justice' is so ingrained, that simply anyone is better than no one. It's becoming hard for people, actually impossible for people to accept that sometimes, there is no one that can be led to the firing squad for the bad thing that has happened to us. 

I recently had the opportunity to read an New York Times Magazine article about the Horace Mann Prep School in New York and the decades long instances of child sexual abuse that took place there that were subsequently not investigated fully. The story is disturbing and awful. The pain that children suffered at the hands of adults who were supposed to care for them and guide them is hard to read about. But the thing that really struck me was that the author was asking for justice, for more to have been done about what happened around him. Normally, this is the type of issue I would jump on the bandwagon for. However, the instances he cited took place mostly in the 1960s and 70s. The statute of limitations has run out completely in most cases. And given that the decades he is talking about is well before there was freedom to discuss these issues, before there were protocols in institutions to figure out what to do, before there were even proper laws that addressed crimes of a sexual nature against children, what exactly would the author have wanted done? Practically and realistically speaking, there is no actual justice to be done here. Most of the accused are long dead. Most of those molested are in the 50s and 60s. The desire for justice is noble. It is also misguided. That somebody, anybody should be held accountable is not only erroneous, but also dangerous. That is not justice, it is blind revenge.

The issue I come back is that we are being taught that we are entitled to all these things, and then we feel failed when things do not magically fall into place for us. Perhaps it is the cynic and depressive in me. I was taught that you work very hard, for very little reward. I was taught that it is possible to slave for years and years, and have little to no recognition. I was taught that you do what you do not because you deserve plaudits and applause, but because you must feed and clothe yourselves and your family. And I was taught that if you are very, very lucky, the biggest reward you will receive is pride in yourself for a job well done. So, here's the thing, why aren't the children of today being taught this?