As I've gotten older, I've started to take greater pleasure in and become less stressed by the act of going places by myself. Where in my teens I would have been deeply distressed about the possibility of even going to the bathroom in a restaurant by myself, I now go to entire countries alone.
I have now entered the last few weeks of my 20s. In the past couple of years, I think I've just got fewer fucks to give and fewer similarly single and unattached friends, which means my prospects for company have significantly diminished. Rather than sit at home, though, I've decided simply to go places by myself.
I now go to the movies alone all the time. My local cinema has these great reclining seats that on weekend afternoons go for really cheap. So I look up the movies I want to see, that I don't have anyone to go with, and just take my wallet and phone and go for it alone. I don't have to make idle chit-chat during the break, I don't have to share my snacks and I don't have to pause my movie-watching experience to explain plot points to anyone (a lot of the movies I watch are comic-book adaptations and as the resident nerd, I'm frequently called upon to explain what the thingamajig is, who did what with whom and why and where and so on).
I also go to restaurants this way now. I take my book and just go. I get a lot of stares and sometimes a few giggles because I'm just sitting by myself in a crowded restaurant, but I find that it's quite enjoyable. I love good food. I love eating out and spend a lot of time and money on the activity. I also live in a great food city. I have foodie friends, but they aren't always available to have dinner on a Thursday night because of husbands or children or work or other friends. So rather than wait around for someone to become available, I just go with my book. I get time to read, which is something I have to carve out time to do, and I get to eat a great meal. Win-win.
As for the solo holidays, that I've actually been doing for a while now. In this instance, this isn't necessitated by the lack of company; I actually just prefer going on holiday alone. First of all, apart from my mother and my best friend, I can't really spend extended periods of time in close quarters with anybody I know. Second, I don't like rushed or jam-packed holidays. I like sleeping late and taking naps on vacation. I like walking around cities more or less aimlessly. I don't like the countryside. I like reading on vacation. I don't need to see every monument or tourist trap in a place. In fact, the aspects of vacations I've enjoyed the least have usually been a 'must-see' for tourists that I felt obliged to visit. The Eiffel Tower in Paris or the Duomo in Milan or Buckingham Palace in London have been amongst the most boring places I've been. On the other hand, the Jewish Quarter in Paris, the bars along the canals in Milan and the Chinese food place in Camden in London have been the most fun. That's just how I'm wired. I unashamedly design my vacations around all the places I want to eat in cities. I only saw the Notre Dame in Paris because I looked up from the bookstore I had been dying to visit and had spent hours in, hardly realizing that one of the city's most famous monuments was just across the street.
Given all my odd vacation quirks, very few people I know are actually interested doing things my way. And since I spend a lot of money on these trips and take hard-earned time off in order to be able to go on them, I don't see why I shouldn't have exactly the fun I want to have.
I realize as I read this post back that I sound like a sad, pathetic and lonely person. That may be true. But I'm also a practical person who has considered the reality of her situation and am simply trying to make the best of it. Sometimes I think people get into relationships or married just so they can have someone to go places with. I don't really see partnership or marriage or companionship or babies in my future. At the same time, most of my good friends have ended up with these things, leaving me a little bit out in the cold. These are just the facts. So here's the thing, why should I deny myself the things I actually do enjoy just because I am all alone? Because people look at me funny or judge me for being alone? Why exactly should I care about those people or their opinions? I'd rather take pleasure in simple things like watching a funny movie or reading a great book while enjoying a fine meal. Even if that means going solo.
