Why

I feel like I should get these things off my chest. Only, I don't know how. And there really isn't anybody I can tell, except maybe perfect strangers. Anybody volunteering? It's really not anything, it's the stupidest thing ever, and it is absolutely not a big deal, but the fact that it hasn't been said out loud, and then dismissed as perfectly ludicrous, is just weighing down on me and multiplying the effect. And on that note, I should retire.

So here's the thing. Here's the fucking thing, it needs to be said, and then thrown out. I just need this to not be a thing, you know?

Music for the soul, and a book.

The thing that I keep thinking of when I watch good television is the soundtrack. It gets me thinking about all those moments in my life that I remember because of a song, the soundtrack of my life, as it were, although, less cliche, I hope.

Because I can remember the song from the first time I liked a boy, one from when he said no, one from a rainy day, one from when I nearly ran someone over with my cycle (!), from a slow London night, one from when I couldn't stop crying or get out of bed, one from when I felt like couldn't breathe because I was in love, or something. All this and I can't even remember the names of the people I went to college with. But these songs I remember, they act like triggers, transporting me back to the very moment that I felt what I did, I can taste, and smell and feel the same as that moment. So, the sound track of my life, not so cliche, after all.

And a book, because what else am I going to do, right?

Aimless

I'm feeling.... aimless. I wish I wasn't. I wish that I bounded out of bed every day with single-minded purpose. But for now, aimless, directionless, rudderless, and so on, and so on. There's someone I need to tell something to, (bad sentence construction, I know) but I haven't, or is that two someones, and the same something, or maybe one someone, and two somethings? Like I said at the beginning, aimless man, aimless. I think this might all feel better if I was smoking a joint on the side of the road, or on a beach somewhere. I definitely think it would sound better. Ha!