Aren't you tired of things never working out? People keep saying, it'll work out. Think positive. Keep faith.
How? How exactly do you stay positive? In the face of overwhelming evidence that clearly demonstrates that the world is a cruel place for the likes of you and that every single person on earth is just one more person to take away from what's left of your soul, how do you believe that anything will work out?
I had a near panic attack today. And I very badly wanted to lose my shit for once. And then a bunch of things happened:
A plumber came to fix something in my house.
There were a bunch of people (like 4 extra people) in my house and I had to clean up after them.
A supposed 'friend' who had been using my house as a hotel for the past 3 days decided to just up and leave without even saying goodbye to spend the rest of his time with some other, more interesting friends even though we were supposed to have dinner tonight.
Another friend who I had asked to dinner just didn't bother returning my call.
And my plumbing still needed fixing.
What do you do with a clusterfuck? Everything that reminds you that you are alone, you have no options, your life isn't working, you're depressed, overweight, unhappy and boring, everything that tells you that you have no value as a person and that you should listen to that inner voice that never ever stops telling you that you should kill yourself arrives at once together. What do you do then?
And realistically, how much longer can you stave off that inner voice with reason and sanity and practicality before you succumb just once?
In all my life, I'm not sure I've been unhappier with my life than I am now. And that's really saying something for a miserable, misanthropic fucking cunt like me.
I just want and need some damn support and help but I have literally no one to turn to. I just want something, anything, to work out. Just once. Just this once even.
A numbness is starting to take over me because I am so very, utterly, bone-deep exhausted.
