If you are even a casual peruser of my blog, then you know how often my best friend is mentioned. This blog is practically a love letter to her. And I'm sure that this must all seem weird/borderline creepy to you. Why on earth would a straight woman in her late (ugh!) twenties have such a seeming fixation on her best girlfriend from childhood? I'm not sure I have an answer for you that will assuage all your discomfort. At best, I can point you towards Grey's Anatomy, as I'm sure I've done elsewhere on this blog. Exhibit A, Meredith and Christina, which leads us directly to Exhibit B, Gooseberrie and Chelsea Dagger.Yes, my relationship with her is odd and dysfunctional, as has been noted often and at length by our other friends. I think the reason I value this relationship so much is that it is, apart from my relationship with my mother, the most fulfilling and complete one in my life. If that's a sad comment on my life, well then so be it.
What inspired this next stanza in my titular oft-repeated song about our friendship is the recently released excerpt of Mindy Kaling's new book. In one of the many mini-chapters, she writes about best friend responsibilities, including being gentle about how a person looks in an outfit, putting up with their sad break up stories for the millionth time and raising their kid if they die. You can read the excerpt of the book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me, here. First, a quick note on my girl crush on Mindy Kaling. She's awesome, and being a fellow brown girl who writes, I love, I love, I love! Second, her hilarious note on all the things that come with being a best friend really cracked me up, and also set me thinking about what I do/will do for my best friend. So here goes:
1. I will, on all occasions, tell you the absolute truth. Even if that truth is that you look fat, ugly, and you will likely die alone, I will say it out loud. I might couch it in niceness and compare you with Natalie Portman (only she will get this joke) while I am doing it, but it shall be done, eventually.
2. I will share in your morbid sense of humour. Yes, I know you think the absolute worst thing is always about to happen, and oftentimes find it funny, but here's the lucky thing, I feel the EXACT same way! Isn't it hilarious that we're both overweight, broke and single, while our asshole ex-best friend is swanning around America with his many millions?? (falls off the chair laughing)
3. I am ALWAYS on your side. It doesn't matter what happened/will happen. It does not matter that you accidentally killed that guy who didn't pay you on time, or ran over that chick who married that guy you liked for 15 minutes that one summer, I am on your side. I will show up, help you bury the body, and hide you in my basement when the cops come looking. In the less extreme case, I will throw down with the ugly bitch that hurt your feelings over something perfectly trivial like a silly boy. Even if you are wrong, I am on your side.
4. Since I hate children, I may not raise yours as my own when you are dead, but I promise I will pay for them to be raised as someone else's own.
5. I will never steal a guy away from you. How many guys have we both been interested in? 1 or 2 thousand. Ah well, never you mind, I will never go for a guy that you are into or dating. There are 3 billion men in the world, but only one you. And I mean that in a not-gay way.
All these things I will do for my friend is what I expect and believe she will do for me. Which brings me back to my original point, that this is amongst the most fulfilling and complete relationships in my world. I trust her, implicitly, and the number of people I trust can be counted on one hand. Thus the love letter. And while I have stressed the not-gay aspect of this relationship repeatedly, it's likely that when gay marriage is finally legal in India, we will probably end up pulling the metaphorical trigger with each other, mostly because no one else will have us.
