The Nature of Loss

To those of you that know me, the title is not really a mystery. I recently lost somebody that I have loved my whole entire life, and she isn't the only one that is lost. I find that I am some how stuck mid-river without a paddle, and life seems to make even less sense than usual. I feel like crying is futile, and agonizing over the what ifs and if onlys is of no avail. And yet, my mind is flooded with questions and memories and anger, and even guilt, and many times, it is all I can do to keep it together. Because, as much as this hurts me, it hurts some people even more, and these are people that I love.

I wish I had more profound realizations about death, some epiphany that has come in the middle of the night, causing me to leap out of my bed to furiously pound away at my keyboard, in hopes of getting it all down before it vanishes. Alas, that is not to be so. I have no answers, only more questions. And those, it would seem are endless.