Socialising the wicked witch of the east.

So, here's the thing, I am in need of an active social life. The traditional remedies do not work for me, mostly because of my anti-social nature, and of course there' the fact that I HATE people. And by hate I don't mean mildly annoyed, or vaguely irritated, I mean, I loathe the very existence of the unfortunate creatures that cross my path. So how does one meet guys, or even other women for that matter, when one is pissed off immediately when one of the above mentioned attempts to strike up a conversation? And I don't even turn them away gently, no, I am not done until I have crushed any semblance of a happy and hopeful spirit that might have existed once in the poor guy. My tactics include laughing, using all of the abundant profanity I have amassed over my years of swearing, and of course, physical violence, or at least the threat of it. HELP!!