Waiting for the other shoe to drop

You know when people try and tell you that each person in the world is different and no two people share circumstances, or destinies? Well that is only partially true. Yes, every individual, is just that, a single entity like no other, but people can also be classified into different kinds of situations. There are those that sail through life, having everything handed to them, regardless of whether they deserve them or not. Some others who can never get anything right, for whom anything that can go wrong, most certainly will, and how. Some that work hard everyday, and also have some good luck, things go well for them, and those around them bask in light of their truly deserved happiness. Finally there are those, who wake up every morning and work incredibly hard every single day for everything that they have, but should fully expect things to go wrong at a moment's notice. I belong to the last category.

Now, don't get me wrong, this is not the tragic tale of karmic imbalance, of people who sit and weep at the foot of their beds for all of the things that have gone awry, and all of the people that have fucked them over. My life is far from a tragedy. In fact, I have a pretty damn fantastic life. It is just also that my life has taught me to never count on happiness. Here's how I see things, you work as hard as you can to achieve what little you can, but just when things start to get comfortable, something goes wrong, and then you have to start working again, on something else. You never rest easy, and you are always insecure. This has always been my life. Most of the time, its a good thing, because you value everything you have, due to the fact that you worked hard, and sacrificed much to have it, but its also unsettling. You can never sit for a moment to enjoy good things, because what this type of life also does is fuck you on some basic level. I get terribly tense when things start to go well, because then I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

So, here's the thing, I am currently waiting for the other shoe to drop, and its driving me to distraction. No sleep, and this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that causes me to reach out to knock on wood all the time.