I've been through worse. Objectively speaking, without any sentimentality or any intent to lionize the sufferings in my life, I have been through far worse.
But this pain does not seem to dissipate. Somehow, all that other sorrow cleared. This, however, clings to me and surrounds in waves of despair that come unbidden at the oddest of times. And unlike the crests and troughs of emotion that even I experience in teenage, there is no sharp high or desperate low. There is just a persistent sadness that has permeated my life.
Today is my Thatha's birthday. For the first time in my life, when I woke up on the morning of the 6th of October, my first thought wasn't "I have to wish Thatha" but "Thatha is not here anymore".
I loved my grandfather, just as surely as everyone loves their grandfather. My relationship with him was very special to me, as I am certain that everyone's relationship with their loved ones are to them. Despite all the rationalization I am capable of, I cannot seem to reason the pain of this loss away. On the 20th of this month, I will have spent an entire year without him here. That is incomprehensible to me. Even more difficult to grasp is why I am still so very sad without my Thatha.
But this pain does not seem to dissipate. Somehow, all that other sorrow cleared. This, however, clings to me and surrounds in waves of despair that come unbidden at the oddest of times. And unlike the crests and troughs of emotion that even I experience in teenage, there is no sharp high or desperate low. There is just a persistent sadness that has permeated my life.
Today is my Thatha's birthday. For the first time in my life, when I woke up on the morning of the 6th of October, my first thought wasn't "I have to wish Thatha" but "Thatha is not here anymore".
I loved my grandfather, just as surely as everyone loves their grandfather. My relationship with him was very special to me, as I am certain that everyone's relationship with their loved ones are to them. Despite all the rationalization I am capable of, I cannot seem to reason the pain of this loss away. On the 20th of this month, I will have spent an entire year without him here. That is incomprehensible to me. Even more difficult to grasp is why I am still so very sad without my Thatha.
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