I did something today. I blurted out something deeply private in a public forum, where I was surrounded by people I see, more or less, very regularly. I did it out of anger, while responding to someone's truly insufferable comments. Still, that seems like a poor excuse. Truthfully, I'm not a deeply private person, at all. At all. Many people know a lot of things about me that most would consider private. However, this felt a bit different. As soon as I opened my mouth, I regretted it deeply. I could see momentary shock, and then pity, and then discomfort in the eyes of those around me. The shock and discomfort, I'm okay with; those I have dealt with my whole life. It's the pity I can't stand. It's the pity that kills me, destroys me, finishes me.
No point regretting a momentary lapse in judgement, I suppose. It's just that I feel deeply vulnerable now, like my flesh has been ripped open.
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