Get Back

I've been here before. I have spent many an hour wandering these very halls. In fact, this was my home, for I lived here. That is how much time I spent here, I lived here. And now I have returned to this place of my misbegotten youth, and once more, I find, there is no one else here. My hair is shorter and my address has changed but this, this is the same place that I was. And now I have returned.

One Change, Two Change, Three Change, One.

Sometimes, I wonder about life-altering moments. I've had a few in my life, none that I would go into in great detail about. The first of these moments happened when I was 14, and then one more for each of the next 2 years after that. Perhaps that is what you teenage years are for, for life altering moments. Unfortunately, since then, I have made the decisions that have changed my life, they haven't simply happened to me. I made a few really bad decisions in the years between the time that I was 17 till I was about 21. Those years really set me back. I quite firmly believe that I am four years behind my schedule for life now, that I really should be somewhere else. All of these decisions I have made have had to do with my education and my career. Strangely, when it has come to my personal life, I have been content to be a hermit, growing increasingly isolated as I have grown older.

My friends, the few that there are, believe that I am now more open than I have ever been. Publicly, I agree. When I am alone, which is a lot of the time, the truth is more palatable to me. I hate people more today than I have ever before in my life. I have such contempt for their stupidity, for their frailty, for their immorality, for their narccism, for their drunkenness, for their incompetence, for their irrationality than I have ever had in my life. And much more than that, I hate myself most of all. I can not reconcile all the things I would like to have done with the things that I actually ended up doing. Most of all, I hate that I am no fun, and that I can not have fun. I am the worst kind of voyeur. Not only do I sit and observe as life passes me by, but I do not even take pleasure in watching others' lives.

So, here's the thing about life altering moments, maybe they dont alter all that much, after all, and maybe you are where you decided to be.